Top Ten Things I Learned From Getting a Divorce

This afternoon after a lovely day of working at the yoga studio, I found myself chatting with a friend about a chakra workshop she was thinking of hosting. I got so excited about it I leaped up and showed her my chakra over butterfly over lotus flower tattoo that I designed and got the day I decided to end my marriage.

As people often do, my friend said “Wow … that must have been so hard.”

“It really was,” I told her, “but it also taught me that I won’t die without the one person I thought would always be in my life.” After a few hours I started to think about what else I learned going through my divorce.

Lesson #1: You are more resilient than you thought.

I wasn’t joking when I said that a large part of the reason I stayed in my relationship so long was that I thought — and was told by my ex several times — that I wasn’t the kind of person who could make it on their own. Inevitably I would have some kind of breakdown from being alone.

Lesson #2: Life goes on, and if you allow it, life can become more incredible than you thought possible.”

Lesson #3: Being the one who left doesn’t make the divorce process any less painful.

Lesson #4: Divorce is not a fair process so get over it.

Lesson #5: I have boundaries after all.

Lesson #6: this is the time to surround yourself with as much love and positivity as you can. This is NOT the time to isolate yourself.

Lesson #7: Another person

Lesson #8: Five years from now, some of it may still hurt, but none of it will matter.

Lesson #9: Friends will leave you but that’s on them not you.

My ex and I were really close friends with another couple. One partner decided she wanted to leave the relationship and the other partner was devastated. For reasons I didn’t understand back then, things became very awkward with the friend who did the leaving. How could she break up the family? How could she break up the foursome? How could she do this to the kids? Little by little we ceased to communicate until things got so bad it ended in a blowout and we never spoke again.

Fast forward a few years to when I left and more than half of my “friends” disappeared. At first I was hurt beyond belief. But now with seven years of perspective I realize that change makes people uncomfortable in all kinds of ways. Maybe seeing a friend leave a long relationship makes you question why you keep staying. So, instead of examining that you decide to lash out at your friend for even bringing it to the light. Sometimes consciously, but other time subconciously.Maybe your friend leaving a marriage that has become intolerable means that she could also leave a friendship that has become intolerable and that scares the pants off of you. What to do? Leave first before you get left? Or maybe your friend is expanding her horizons and you resent her new ability or the new found time she has to do that. Whatever the reason, one thing has become abundantly clear. None of it has anything to do with me.

Lesson #10: It Takes Balls to Start Over and Girl I Got Them!

This was also really enlightening. I can honestly say that aside from the 30 days I spent learning how to meditate in a Nepalese monestary, this was the one time in my life where I really learned a lot about myself.